Why I Have No Hair

Well. I mean... if I had hair, I would have pulled it out this week. But it was too long for a title. (Not my hair!) I wonder if anyone reading this has self-published a paperback with Amazon. I did it seamlessly with my first book, The Siege of Mr Khan's Curry Shop, but this one, Who's Got The Biscuits, 'Ay caramba'.

The Trials of Self-Publishing

With a paperback, you take a manuscript and set the trim, the margins, etc. I won't bore you with the whole shenanigans, but for argument's sake, let us pretend I did it to the letter. One week later, the author's copy arrives, and the margins are wrong. Okay, submit the manuscript again, but this time use the Amazon template. A week later, the second author's copy arrives, and it is wrong. Not only are the margins wrong, but now there are no paragraph indents. I guess AI has something to do with it.

A Moment of Reflection

I considered prayer, but I'm told there are about 3000 various gods, and I'm never quite sure which one works. I guess you could pick one randomly, but then you're denying 2999 others. Is that blasphemy? I know the COE, and I guess the Catholics believe in blasphemy, but what about the others? Anyway, I went for a run instead. I guess I'm probably a pagan at heart because that seemed to work. At least it gave me an idea. Start again.

The Third Submission Saga

This is when it gets interesting. Here begineth the third submission. The margins are still wrong, but I have several characters in the book. One is called Janine (sassy, sarcastic, and loved by all, but no one will tell her 😂). Another character, Mohammed (not the dead prophet), he's a bit gormless (not the prophet, the character). The template decided to change both names to 'I'. Not throughout the whole book, just randomly. For example, another character says, "I'm going to get Janine back." This became, "I'm going to get I back."

After a zillion YouTube videos on how to format a manuscript and posing the question in the Amazon KDP community, I began to think I was a bit dumb. I was no further and getting nowhere. So, I went for another run. 😂

The Eureka Moment

It was on this freezing, wet, cold run that I decided to start again, again. I went through the whole document, took out all the "I's," and put in the original names. I discounted the Amazon margin guidelines and super-duper hi-tech methods. I took a ruler, a paperback from my bookshelf that had the same page count as my book, and used the ancient method of measuring. 😂

Eureka! The margins are great, there are no more people called "I," and the paragraph indents are spot on. So, from ebook to paperback in three weeks! Of course, by the time I finish my next book, I will have forgotten all about this adventure and probably repeat every step. Oh, the joys of getting old! 😂

Final Thoughts

So, there you have it. The rollercoaster ride of self-publishing. It’s a wild journey filled with unexpected twists and turns. If you're thinking about diving into this world, just remember: patience is key, and don't be afraid to laugh at the chaos.

Happy trails, folks! x